First of all , i wanna say sorry . I didn't mean to make you wait for so long . For hoping something that would never exist , a loving relationship . I want to be able to be honest with you . I wish i could tell you every single things that slipping through my head , my confused mind and after all , my heart . I wish i could defend our worth friendship . I wish i can always fill our wonderful moments together , meeting each other , having our endless laugh and make silly jokes about this and that . I don't want to put our friendship in jeopardy . But i'm not sure whether i can always hide this stored feeling of guilty for giving you a false hope . I really can't do something that against my will . You should've aware this earlier .
I don't want our friendship to grow up into something else after all . But somehow I wanna be your friend , your bestfriend , your endearing friend who can be the shoulder you always rely on , the ears that always hear your problems or your irrational thoughts and someone for you to laugh with within the jokes we made . Every time i think of telling the bitter truth to you , the fear will always haunting me, almost all the time . I'm afraid to tell you for the risk of losing you from my life , for the risk of losing you from our friendship . I'm too scared to let this feeling to linger on .
I'm always hope that you'll understand every steps i take is for maintaining our friendship and not for my self-interest . I wish you could see that i'm trapped in this no-solution-situation without blaming me for putting you in vain . I don't know how much longer i can hold myself on remaining dishonest . I really have no idea for the pain you're suffering .
I want you to know that i'm always appreciate you more than you and the others know . To be honest , you're not the guy who holds my heart . Sorry for hurting you my dear friend ;(